Beckett has been at boarding school in Virginia for five months now.
I will never get used to him not being home. He’s home typically one weekend a month and longer for holidays, as the boarding school models provides long breaks for travel as the students come from 27 countries. We usually visit him once a month as well for a sports game, parent-teacher conferences or other organized activities. We are in constant communication with him, mostly through text, but we speak when he can squeeze us in. There’s still a lot of parenting to do. It’s just different and far beyond anything I would have ever imagined in this journey.
When he’s not home, the family is not whole. There is something missing. There is a constant curiosity as to what he is doing at certain times. He’s always on our minds. We know his schedule so we know most of the time what is happening, and we can see from his phone where he is at any given time. It’s more about knowing what’s happening with his overall wellness. Is he stressed over school? Is he getting enough sleep? Did his team win or lose? Does he need anything? A lot more texts are sent seeking details than received back, but we know from other boarding school parents this is common. The same goes for college-age students’ families.
It’s funny when he’s home everything slides right in as if he never left. When he comes home, he is excited to be here. We are anxious to get him home as well. After a few days, though, we all seem to slide back into our typical space and routines, circling back to topics that have always brought angst. It appears he will never understand why he can’t spend the night with friends we have never met. It also seems he will never accept the fact we are not okay with him leaving his room in a disastrous state. He can’t do it at school and the same goes at home. His life at boarding school involves a lot of rules. When he comes home, he seems to want a break from all that. It’s just not that simple.
Nonetheless, despite all these anxious moments, life feels right and normal when he’s home. It’s certainly a lot louder and busier, but it’s good. We enjoy the time we have with him, but we are now at the stage when it’s time for him to head back to school we all seem ready. It’s a new normal that will probably never feel comfortable, but it’s our life right now.
It was 9:05 Monday night. Pam, Carson and I had just gotten home from taking Beckett to his school after holiday break.
While Pam got Carson ready for bed, I flipped on the Bills vs. Bengals game. The crowd was silent, and the commenters were saying how they had never seen anything like what had just transpired. Since they did not want to replay what happened, a quick web search showed Bills safety Damar Hamlin collapse lifeless to the ground after making a routine tackle. It was later learned CPR had to be performed.
After an hour, I grew weary of the commenters repeating the same statements. Throughout the night, I woke up several times to check my phone for an update on Hamlin’s status. Slowly news started to surface he suffered cardiac arrest, and his status was improving gradually but he remained in critical condition.
On Tuesday, the day after the incident, sports talk radio was full of some heartfelt comments from former players who were clearly touched by the situation, particularly the uncertainty of the player’s welfare and outlook. Former quarterback Dan Orlovsky’s take on ESPN hit me hard when I saw it later online.
In an unprecedented fashion, Orlovsky prayed aloud on national television with two of his colleagues. As a former player and father, he was clearly impacted. Surely all of us were, whether we are parents or not. As is human nature, we all tend to personalize situations. When I heard later about the player’s mom being in the stands for the game, I could only imagine the panic as she raced to be near her son in a stadium of 70,000.
Orlovsky’s live television prayer was a beautiful thing and I thought I would share it here. I recommend giving the video a search online but here’s the full text.
“I heard the Buffalo Bills organization say that we believe in prayer, and maybe this is not the right thing to do, but it’s just on my heart and I want to pray for Damar Hamlin right now,” he said. “I’m going to do it out loud, I’m going to close my eyes and bow my head, and I’m just going to pray for him. God, we come to you in these moments that we don’t understand, that are hard because we believe that you’re God and coming to you and praying to you has impact. We’re sad. We’re angry. We want answers, but some things are unanswerable. We just want to pray, truly come to you and pray for strength for Damar, for healing for Damar, for comfort for Damar. Be with his family to give him the peace God, we come to you in these moments that we don’t understand, that are hard because we believe that you’re God and coming to you and praying to you has impact. We’re sad. We’re angry. We want answers, but some things are unanswerable. We just want to pray, truly come to you and pray for strength for Damar, for healing for Damar, for comfort for Damar. Be with his family to give him the peace. If we didn’t believe that prayer didn’t work, we wouldn’t ask this of you, God. I believe in prayer. We believe in prayer. We lift up Damar Hamlin’s name in Your name. Amen.”
