My Thoughts

The old guy hates funerals and almost never attends them, but he made an exception last week with the passing of a dear friend named Kitty.

Like most old-timers, Kitty said it like she saw it. She had no problem saying what she wanted when she wanted and how she wanted. Sure, it ruffled some feathers of the sensitive types, but Insider always admired that. What else should you even ask of a person than simple honesty, even if it’s a bit cruel at times. You see a common bond shared between us was the fact we were both old, and whenever the Insider and Kitty got together we shared our thoughts and ailments on the subject. Although it’s not always enjoyable because pains surface where they shouldn’t and some days the energy level is not where it should be, a person getting older is a tribute of sorts. What comes with it is perspective, something old-timers only truly know about.

While she was being memorialized in a stuffy funeral home this week, Insider could not help but think about something she once gave him. The old guy dug it out this week and it was titled, "How To Know You Are Growing Older."

— Everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.

— The gleam in your eyes is from the sun, hitting your bifocals.

— You feel like the night before and you haven’t been anywhere.

— Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.

— You get winded playing cards.

— A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge.

— You need glasses to find your glasses.

— You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.

— You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.

— Your knees buckle, but your belt won’t.

— Your back goes out more than you do.

— You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.

— You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.

That’s for Kitty. Thanks for the laughs and the memories.