I am back to reading about raising teen boys far too often.
During an unpleasant rant after soccer practice this week about a range of things, none of which included soccer or even school, I could not resist the urge to refute what he was saying. Walking out of the office on deadline, driving to pick him up with my mind cluttered with other things to this unpleasantness hit me wrong.
I got a bit upset with him for getting in the truck and just spewing. He was basically picking a fight with me. It was a strange deal. As soon as he got in the truck, he wanted Chipotle for dinner and asked if we had been to the store for his favorite snacks. When I said we have been busy working, he lost his composure, reminding me a bit of a tantrum toddler actually. It was more his attitude than his words that got under my skin. I fired back at him. I normally do not.
I understand I am supposed to be the mature one here and not engage at that level. I regretted how I spoke to him and later apologized. He apologized as well and said he didn’t blame me for “clapping back.” He said he was glad I did because he was being “stupid” and said I didn’t need to apologize. We hashed it out and moved on. It was a good thing and surely not the last time words are exchanged resulting in apologies.
Reflecting back on it, I am irritated with myself. I read somewhere a commentary on how parenting brings out the best and worst in people. There’s some truth to that in my experiences. It’s because there’s so much heart involved in raising kids. Emotions have a way of getting in the way of sense and rationale. Remove the passion and connection and things are a bit simpler. Parenting is complex on many levels.
In this case, I should have known better. My 15-year-old kid was irritated and expressing himself in an overly harsh tone for something so menial. I should have simply listened. I want him to talk to me. It’s upsetting when he doesn’t at times. He often chooses instead to internalize. I can’t have it both ways. I can’t expect him to share what’s on his mind and then critique or object to what’s said.
It’s important to remember that parenting teenagers can be challenging, and moments like this are common. It’s natural for teenagers to express themselves and their frustrations, and sometimes, they just need someone to listen and validate their feelings. I want to be one of those people he can vent with, and I know Pam feels the same.
It’s often better to listen rather than engage in an argument. This can help maintain open communication and trust. If I felt the need to address any concerns or issues, I could do so later calmly and constructively.
Teenagers are navigating a complex period of growth and self-discovery, and they often need support and understanding from their parents. It’s all part of the journey of raising teenagers, and it’s a learning experience for both you and your child. I continue to feel like I am growing up with my kids.
Parenting teenagers can be a trying experience. It’s crucial for us parents to remember that during this phase, teens are going through significant emotional, physical, social and cognitive changes. They are developing their identities and trying to establish independence, which can result in conflicts and emotional ups and downs.
Did I mention the social challenges? What kids are navigating today is far different than I knew growing up. It’s complex and at the root of just about every difficulty is social media. I venture to say nine out of 10 teens today use social media on a daily basis. Social media creates an unhealthy Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO) mentality. I remember having something like this as a teen but back then I never knew what I was missing.
Today, everything is posted and shared, and kids can see it all. There are no secrets. It’s not a positive thing, but it’s challenging to restrict in a climate when it’s part of the whims of socializing today.
What I do know is listening is one of the most important skills for parents of teenagers. It helps create a supportive and open environment where teenagers feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and concerns. It’s also a way to validate their feelings, even if you don’t necessarily agree with everything they’re saying. The balancing act is the rub. By actively listening and empathizing, you can build trust and maintain a strong connection with your teenager.
In addition to listening, what takes maturity is choosing the right moment to address concerns or issues. Calm and constructive discussions are more likely to yield positive results than reacting in the heat of the moment. These discussions should ideally focus on problem-solving and finding common ground, allowing both parents and teenagers to understand each other better.
Parenting teenagers is indeed a learning experience for everyone involved. I’m evolving right along with my kids and trying to act like I know what I am doing. There are times when guilt and second guessing take over. It’s important to provide guidance, support, and love while allowing them to explore and make some of their own decisions, as they learn to navigate their challenges.
I know all this but applying it is the trick.
