It’s been interesting in recent years to see how mental health has come to the forefront. It’s a great thing.
I think about my kids’ psyche, confidence, happiness and wellness too much probably. With my boys 15 and 13 years old, respectively, I miss the days full of laughter and carefree thoughts and wants. There are glimpses of childhood glee these days, but the moments seem few and far between. Sometimes they are clearly stressed by life and social stuff.
Along these lines, I am impacted daily by stories I read. By nature of my job, I read dozens of news articles every day for my job as well as personal enjoyment. One I came across recently involved a featured obituary on former University of Maryland and Loyola University Maryland (where I went) basketball coach Billy Hahn. Former player Keith Booth recounted two pieces of advice from Hahn that impacted his life — “every day is another day to get better” and “You’re either praying or you’re worrying, but you can’t do both.”
The last one hit me especially hard. I have recited it a few times in life, including on Beckett one day riding home from school last month. He was venting (more like raging really) about something that didn’t go well at lacrosse practice as well as a situation in school that upset him. The conversation spilled into the evening ahead, the homework he had and a couple tests looming. He was clearly in turmoil. It was an unload session. It was good for him to get things off his chest, but as I was rehashing the conversation with Pam we both wondered how we could ease the stress level in his life.
Later that night I came across an opinion piece by Cailin Bracken, a then-sophomore on Vanderbilt women’s lacrosse team who took a break from sports. I played college lacrosse for two years. Therefore, I think my son thinks he needs to play a sport in college. I have told him hundreds of times not to put that kind of pressure on himself and even have encouraged him not to have it as a goal. I have told him repeatedly club sports are the way to go because you get to experience all aspects of college. Unless you are the cream of the crop, high-level college sports are not worth the required commitment in an all-consuming culture.
Here are some excerpts that hit home for student-athletes but also all of us in mid-juggle all the time, especially on the mental health front.
“When “mental toughness” is the answer to student athletes who are dreading waking up and going to practice the next day, I need it to be you — the adult — who says that it’s OK to take a step back. ….
I don’t spend time wondering about what might’ve happened had I not trusted myself enough to take time away from lacrosse during my collegiate career. Every bone in my body told me that I was doing what was best for me, while other people looked at me like I was giving up. It didn’t feel like giving up. If anything, staying in the dark place that I was in would’ve been giving up. Letting it consume me. That would’ve been what I’d done had I chosen to give up.
But instead I chose to continue. I chose to take the space I needed. I took the next steps forward in my life, a few steps away from lacrosse, a few steps away from my pride, from the athlete identity I’d held close for so many years. I needed to figure out who I was without lacrosse, and develop a sense of self — a sense of worth — outside of the sport, so that I was no longer depending on my coaches or my parents or the stat sheets to tell me I mattered. If I hadn’t taken this time and held this space for myself to fumble with young adulthood and with my identity, I would’ve resented lacrosse forever. I wouldn’t be where I am now, back on the field and playing Division I lacrosse alongside the women with whom I am writing this piece for. …
I say all of this because I want you to know that there is no shame in walking away. I say it because I want parents to let their children leave something that is no longer serving them, even if it breaks their hearts to see them part with their childhood sport. … It is unsustainable to expect both perfection and consistency out of any human being, but it is especially egregious to make student athletes question their worth because they have not lived up to unrealistic standards.
If you are a student athlete, … I need you to know that you can walk away. It is your decision, and it is a brave one. Because choosing yourself, and acknowledging that you are worthy simply because you are breathing — that is a brave thing. That is the most mentally tough thing you can do.
So it is on all of us — coaches, parents, teammates, administrators, professors — to hold one another accountable when we lose sight of what it means to be a teammate, a friend, a mentor, a leader. When we lose sight of the great responsibility that we have as influential figures in the lives of young adults, that is when we must reevaluate.
… I am issuing a demand to everyone involved in college sports. Players, coaches, parents, fans, professors, administrators, if you cannot do your job while simultaneously offering grace to the young adults with whom you work, you are unfit for your position.
It is of the utmost urgency that we have this conversation, albeit a difficult one ..”
