“Why are you guys so hard on me?”
That’s a question we often hear from Beckett. It always brings out extreme emotions from me. I either laugh hysterically at the absurdity or get frustrated over him playing the victim role (a pet peeve of mine in our current society).
My reactions are rooted in the fact that we are without question not too hard on Beckett, despite what he may think from time to time. He often confuses expectations with being critical of him.
In his defense, Beckett currently has a full plate. This week, specifically, there were a lot of conflicts. He had a couple big tests and some important projects are coming to a head in school. He is also playing soccer a few days a week and training to test for his black belt in June. The result is a hectic schedule with lots of shuttling here and there.
We have known this busy period was coming for months and talked often to Beckett about it. School work would have to come first and he would have to sacrifice some play time — meaning electronics and playing outside after school. As we expected, it has been a heavy load on him, but we think it’s good for him at a young age to be balancing several different things in his life. He’s fully capable of achieving success in all the various things he has going on so long as he puts in the effort.
The problem is his idea of applying himself fully and our concept of that are not always the same. That’s when some parent-child conflicts arise.
The funny thing about Beckett is rather than simply focusing on his science fair work or social studies project he would rather debate how it’s unfair for his teachers to load all this on the students at one time and maybe it would be prudent if we as his parents agreed with him and spoke to his teachers about coordinating the big projects better. Instead of indulging him in this conversation at all, we prefer to push him to concentrate on the job at hand rather than focusing on matters that are out of our control. That upsets him.
These past couple weeks have been a good time to teach him about multi-tasking and utilizing his time in an efficient manner. For example, during the half hour drive to soccer practice the other day, I made him work on his social studies project that involved a business proposal for a fictional store he was to operate. When he was done, he wanted to play on his iPad the rest of the way. I said that was fine but that he would have to work on his science fair packet after practice if that was his choice.
After practice when it came time to do the work, he had a bit of meltdown when we insisted he could not play his xBox that night because he didn’t finish his work earlier. That’s when he started with the “why are you guys so hard on me? I’m just a kid.”
It’s funny how kids want to be like grown-ups in many ways (the convenient kinds like staying up later and having our own phones) but when it comes to putting in the hard work required with certain aspects of their lives they cave and revert back to toddler days.
A recent conversation tells the story. I was talking with Beckett about the different feelings involved with a B and an A on a report card and scoring a goal in a soccer game and not. Both involve a sense of satisfaction and excitement when the goal is reached while the shortfall brings about disappointment and sadness.
His response was priceless. “The difference between you and me is I’m laidback about these sorts of things and you guys always want me to be at my best.”
I told him he’s exactly right.
He said, “That’s asking too much. Well, what are we going to do about this issue then?”
“We’re going to keep pushing you and pushing you because that’s what parents do,” I said.
His response involved a grunt, sigh and moan — sounds we have grown accustomed to hearing by now.
Absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder.
Pam and I got away for 24 hours last weekend. It’s amazing what a little getaway does for the perspective. On the way home, it’s always nice to look forward to seeing the kids.
What’s funny is a few minutes after getting home it’s like we were never gone.
Evidently, as we were leaving, Pam had told Carson about plans to relocate a large table from downstairs to his room upstairs. I’m guessing it was the proverbial carrot she dangled so he would behave for his grandmother while we were out of town. Plus, and I know my wife, her intention was to give us our living room back by getting his clutter to his room.
Within a few minutes of being home, everything was back to normal in our lives. Beckett wanted me to go outside and play basketball and Carson wanted Pam to play with him inside. Before I knew it, they were making several trips up and down the steps so he could set up his train village in his room. He was thrilled and spent the next four hours enjoying it.
It was as if we picked up right where we left them within minutes of walking in the door.
