The old guy went to the Boardwalk about month ago to get his annual fill of Thrasher’s French fries and was relieved to see the parking meters were away for the season already. After spending $9 for a large order and washing it down with the RC Cola he brought with him, Insider sat and people watched and had a glorious time. When Insider had overdosed on America, he went back to the DeSoto to find a ticket on the window, advising him his meter had expired. Insider assumed it was a practical joke because there was no meter and he just threw it on the ground and drove off.
A thunderstorm kicked up Tuesday and the old guy knew it was coming long before it arrived, and it was not those annoying weather forecasters who told him about it. So, while his neighbors looked on in bewilderment and wonder, Insider went about the house putting everything undercover. An hour or so later, the deluge arrived as the neighbors ran about in the rain protecting what they could. Insider’s weather secret is simply that he listens to AM radio. There the static of a storm is heard well in advance of any rain. And the only difference between radio and television is that on television you can see the static.
Insider does not like being told what to do. Never did, even as a kid. That’s why he resents sex, bowel movements, working 9-5 jobs and hunger pangs. They are just nature’s way of ordering him around, and he’s rebelled all of his, to no avail. Wouldn’t it be nice if sex could actually be a fun thing, to be enjoyed when the mood struck us? Not something that the hip magazine of the day or some jerk on television says has to be enjoyed 2.6 times each week on average or your marriage is doomed. We do treat eating as something to be enjoyed and indulged, completely unaware that our desires are just another trick of nature.
Remember when: taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin, the whistle of a tea kettle was a normal household sound, ice cream was considered a basic food group, getting a foot of snow was a dream come true, scrapes and bruises were kissed by mom and made better, older brothers and sisters were your worst tormentors, but also your fiercest protectors, watching television was a privilege, it wasn’t mandatory to pick up after your dog, a soda was a nickel out of a vending machine, Hugh Cropper was mayor of Ocean City, The Resorter would feature the pretty girl of the week on its cover, there was an Evening Sun.