The Adventures Of Fatherhood – May 19, 2023

Mother’s Day was last weekend.

I am blessed to have been raised by a wonderful, caring mother, and my sons – 15 and 13 years old, respectively — are beyond fortunate to have Pam as their mom as she is their greatest advocate and will do anything for them. She on a daily basis puts them first in our lives while teaching them everything they need to know about life. On most days, I think they appreciate her, but inevitably there are instances when it’s not so evident. This seems normal, albeit unfortunate.

We tried our best to make Mother’s Day special for Pam last weekend. The Mother’s Day card selection process is still very much a work in progress on our end for my sons. There will come a day when I no longer pick out the cards for them. When that day comes, I think I will refer to them to this post on about Mother’s Day. It was titled, “Hey Teens, Here’s 35 Funny Things To Write In A Mother’s Day Card.”

  1. Mom? Mom?? Mommmm??? Mom! Moooommm!? Hey, MOM!!! Happy Mother’s Day!
  2. Dear Mom, thanks for giving me life. Oh, and thanks for not taking it back in my teen years.
  3. I love all your texts, Mom, even though they do have way too much punctuation.
  4. I love ya, Mom. By the way, you were right about almost freaking everything.
  5. Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. Love, your favorite child.
  6. Dear Mom, I’m sorry you had to have 3 children to finally get it right. Love your youngest (and favorite) child.
  7. Happy Mother’s Day to my best friend, my greatest teacher, and my cheapest therapist.
  8. Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. Thanks for teaching me how to fold a fitted sheet. (Just one more useless thing you taught me that I’ll never do.)
  9. Hey, at least you don’t have ugly kids. Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.
  10. Thank you for teaching me SO much, Mom. By the way, can you repeat it? I wasn’t listening.
  11. I know it cost you a fortune to raise me, but just think how much money I saved you because you didn’t have a social life.
  12. You should be really proud, Mom. I turned out awesome!
  13. Mom, I love you loads and loads. (By the way, can you do my laundry?)
  14. This card is good for one free “I will clean my bedroom when you ask,” pass. (Just so you know, I’ll probably shove everything under my bed.)
  15. Things I love about you, Mom… your unsolicited advice, your weird random texts, and the way you freak out when I toss my clothes one foot from the hamper.
  16. Happy Mother’s Day. Happy Mother’s Day. Happy Mother’s Day. (I’m just letting you know how annoying it is when someone constantly repeats themselves.) Happy Mother’s Day. Happy Mother’s Day.
  17. Dear Mom, can we agree I am 100% your favorite child? (Come, on. Admit it…)
  18. Happy Mother’s Day. (By the way, can you reimburse me for this card? I’m broke.)
  19. Dear Mom, You’re the BEST Mom I ever had.
  20. Thanks for helping me with my homework. Now I know you’re definitely not smarter than a fifth grader.
  21. Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. Sorry I make you drink.
  22. In honor of Mother’s Day I just want you to know that I changed the toilet paper roll. You’re welcome.
  23. Happy Mother’s Day. You might have failed miserably with (brother/sister), but at least you got it right with me! Well done!
  24. Mom, you know I would do ANYTHING for you this Mother’s Day. Except clean my room. (Please don’t make me do that.)
  25. You did everything for me, Mom. You cooked, cleaned, drove me everywhere, put up with me, and lost years of sleep over me. I figure this $5 card means we’re squared up, right?
  26. You’re not like all the other moms… you’re a cool mom. (Except when you wear your ugly mom jeans.) 
  1. Thanks for letting me invite all my friends over and eating you out of house and home. You’re the BEST. 
  1. Mom, I know I’m not perfect, but hey, at least I turned out better than (brother/sister). 
  1. In honor of Mother’s Day, I’m going to make you my signature specialty dinner. I hope you like Ramen Noodles.
  2. Thank you for putting up with my moody, ungrateful, sassy years. Whew! You made it!
  3. So yeah… I just wanted to wish you a Happy Mother’s Day from your child who has no idea what to write in your Mother’s Day card. (I love ya, Mom.)
  4. You really ARE awesome, Mom. Except when you freak out when I wake you up to tell you I’m home. (That scares the sh#t out of me.)
  5. Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. Thanks for being nice to me and stocking the fridge with all my favorite foods. (By the way, here’s my grocery list.)
  6. Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. In honor of your special day, I’m returning all your forks, spoons, bowls, and cups from my bedroom. (I wanted to get you something I KNEW you’d use every day.)
  7. Mom…in all seriousness, you really ARE the BEST! (Most of the time…)

About The Author: Steven Green

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The writer has been with The Dispatch in various capacities since 1995, including serving as editor and publisher since 2004. His previous titles were managing editor, staff writer, sports editor, sales account manager and copy editor. Growing up in Salisbury before moving to Berlin, Green graduated from Worcester Preparatory School in 1993 and graduated from Loyola University Baltimore in 1997 with degrees in Communications (journalism concentration) and Political Science.