Beckett’s list of things he enjoys expanded this fall to include being a ball boy.
He “worked” his first few varsity games as a soccer ball boy last month at his school, Worcester Prep. Pam and I couldn’t be there with work and Carson responsibilities, but we also didn’t really feel our attendance was critical for ball boy duties.
When Pam picked him up, she quickly discovered he loved it. He especially relished tending to balls on the same sideline as the coaches and players. I immediately realized that was because he got to talk to them and listen to their conversations.
Later at home, as one of his coaches for his club team, I liked that he said the game was “a lot cleaner” play than his games at his age and they use their heads a lot. I was hoping he got something out of it rather than just asking players who their favorite hip-hop artists were at this time.
A few days later, he was back at it running the sidelines, and I was able to come and watch most of the game. I was surprised to learn how much action the ball boys get. They run a lot because balls are flying all around the field. He doesn’t seem to mind it one bit. In fact, by the end of a ball boy game he’s about as sweaty as after one of his own. It’s partially from chasing down balls, but also from juggling and doing tricks on the sidelines as the action unfolds on the field nearby.
He’s committed to serve as ball boy for his school’s home games so long as they don’t conflict with his own games. At this point, since it’s so new, he tried for a few minutes to convince me to let him skip one of his own soccer team’s practices to ball boy for his school. He said he made a commitment. I reminded him his obligation to his own team trumps it. Fortunately, it didn’t take long to convince him of that.
The first several times he served as ball boy it was during boys’ games. One day last week there was a girls game, and he was initially apathetic about it. I told him he would enjoy it and he might like watching the different style of play. He agreed to give it a try. When I came to watch the second half of the game, I saw him running the sidelines during tricks and could hear the players thanking him by name for retrieving their balls.
Afterwards I asked him how it went, and he said he liked it just as much as the boys if not more. When I asked why that was, he said, “They don’t kick it out of bounds as far and they have cupcakes after each game.”
It’s good to see the little boy in him every now and again.
x
It was 8:20 a.m. and I knew my day was made.
Carson and I had walked into Ocean City Elementary’s vestibule area. The routine is he meets his special friend, or his one-on-one education assistant, before heading off to his classroom. As Mr. Wolf approached, he said “hi” to Carson, and our kid said, “hi” right back to him.
We often refer to Carson as nonverbal, although technically he can make almost all the letter sounds and has a few dozen words he can say. However, it’s not going to be perfect and it’s going to be quiet. He’s reluctant to use his voice in social settings, and we have begun to wonder whether he will ever be able to speak in a productive fashion in his life.
In recent years, despite constant speech therapy at school and privately, he has shown to have a tendency toward selective mutism. When he’s working one-on-one with Ms. Sommer or Mrs. Carol, his private and school speech therapists, he will articulate words. He’s become quite proficient and the speech therapy sessions we sit in on are inspiring because he works incredibly hard most of the time. Outside of his speech sessions, he’s typically reluctant to use his voice. We push him at home, but we also know if we use coercion and threaten to withhold something without verbalization behaviors will come.
For instance, when we ask him if he’s hungry around the house, he will typically say, “yes” or “no” with his words. However, ask him if he wants a refill on his drink in front of a server in a restaurant, he will not. He can be shy by nature around people he’s unfamiliar with, but I think this is more about being embarrassed or ashamed that he can’t do what his brother and his peers can do with ease.
Later in the week, a few of the teachers standing by the door greeting students in the morning said hello to Carson and he said, “hi” back to several of them.
What seems to be working is a reward jar. He gets coins from Mr. Wolf and Mrs. Carol each time he says something. When the jar is full, he gets the Five Below gift card inside. It’s motivating him.
This is a monumental shift in progress for Carson. We couldn’t be happier about it.