Adventures Of Fatherhood – February 15, 2019

Adventures Of Fatherhood – February 15, 2019

I came across a column this week about youth sports that I thought was worthy of sharing.

Beckett, 10, has played multiple sports most of his life. If you ask him which sport he likes the best, he will tell you whatever one he is playing at that time. When asked recently by a friend what he wanted to be when he grows up, he said a football player in the fall, basketball player in the winter and soccer player in the spring. He wants to be the first three-sport professional athlete.

Staying with the realistic present, there are times, however, when I can tell he needs a break from his active schedule and we oblige. He said as much a few times in the late fall after frigid soccer practices. I remember talking with Pam about these conversations. It’s a tricky balance between pushing your child and teaching him the importance of a commitment versus truly listening to what he’s clearly saying.

Our 10-year-old simply needed a break. He wasn’t quitting. He just needed a breather to try something different. We did just that this winter when we signed up for a youth basketball league twice a week. It happened to conflict with his once a week indoor soccer practice with River Soccer Club.

Rather than race from a basketball game to a practice or vice versa, we decided to stick with basketball for seven weeks and then return to soccer. His soccer coach was supportive and understanding. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case and the point of an article that appeared in the Richmond Times-Herald.

The article was written by Brandon Day, a middle school teacher and a highly regarded, long-time wrestling coach at Richmond High School in Virginia. I don’t agree with everything in the column, especially since our travel coach was accommodating and reasonable, but I like at least once a month to share some reflections parents may find interesting. Excerpts of the column are below.

“After 17 years coaching at the high school level, I am not a big fan of the youth sports culture in America today.

“I don’t think we are developing better athletes and/or people in our current system. We have developed a culture that will not serve our student-athletes well as they grow into adulthood. We have organizations and private coaches that are making a profit filling parents’ heads full of false information and dreams of scholarships rather than focusing on the development of the athletes, regardless of their skill levels.

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but not every kid can be a college scholarship athlete and that is OK. We need to take pride in coaching and/or raising the child that is the sixth man, the back-up, or the utility guy on the baseball team. Those kids are extremely valuable to their teams, schools and communities. I prefer the way things used to be before the elite youth travel sports culture developed.

“When I first started coaching and helped develop our current youth system at Richmond, many people questioned our methods because we put an emphasis on instruction, practice and relationship development over competition. Our goal back then, and still to this day, was to develop each athlete fundamentally so that when his or her body finally grew, the athlete would be fundamentally sound and be ready to compete at the highest level.

“We took pride in saving our parents registration fees and gas money rather than just pushing them to compete too early for little reward. We are honest with our parents and try to promote an environment that eliminates selfishness and focuses on doing what is best for the group.

“The “me-first mentality” is way too prevalent in athletics and society today. We wanted to retain as many kids as possible, because oftentimes the kid who was great in third grade isn’t so great in 11th grade. And the kid who struggled in third grade has already been All-State twice before entering his senior season.

“We took pride in saving our parents registration fees and gas money rather than just pushing them to compete too early for little reward. We are honest with our parents and try to promote an environment that eliminates selfishness and focuses on doing what is best for the group.

“The “me-first mentality” is way too prevalent in athletics and society today. … As a teacher and coach, there is nothing more depressing than seeing that kid who was once a great youth or middle school-level athlete walk around the halls of your school and no longer competes because he or she can’t deal with potential failure because of the pressure they were put under as a 12 year-old.

“… As parents and coaches, we need to tweak our thought process and ask ourselves, are we really getting our kids ready to compete and have success at the high school level or are we chasing meaningless trophies and trying to fulfill some void we think we had as youngsters.

“We need to make sure our kids understand in sports and life, it’s not how you start but rather how you finish.”

About The Author: Steven Green

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The writer has been with The Dispatch in various capacities since 1995, including serving as editor and publisher since 2004. His previous titles were managing editor, staff writer, sports editor, sales account manager and copy editor. Growing up in Salisbury before moving to Berlin, Green graduated from Worcester Preparatory School in 1993 and graduated from Loyola University Baltimore in 1997 with degrees in Communications (journalism concentration) and Political Science.