It’s always a surprise to hear what Beckett has on his mind.
After a soccer tournament game last weekend, I congratulated him on the win and a big goal he scored.
“That was for Mom Mom Connie,” he said, referring to Pam’s mom who passed away last week.
That was incredibly sweet because we weren’t sure how he had processed his mom mom’s death over the last week other than crying when we first told him. Until that comment, I figured he was just in denial or preferred not to think about it. One thing was for sure he didn’t want to have any more conversations about her passing.
Before I could tell him how awesome it was to know he was thinking about her and how it will make his mom so happy, he was off to play with his friends and see what the concession stand had to offer.
One night recently while putting him to bed, I told Beckett there’s a chance of snow overnight. He said, “I don’t really like snow unless we’re skiing.” When I reminded him the point of telling him was he may not have school or possibly a delay, he remembered how much he was fond of snow, saying, “Oh yeah now I remember I’ve always loved snow.”
About a week later, Beckett’s soccer coach was making a point during a practice and being facetious when referring to one particular player, who was wide open but not getting the ball passed to him. Beckett made a point of running across the field to tell his teammate, “hey, don’t worry he doesn’t mean that literally. He’s just trying to make a point.”
Fast forward a couple days, after his mom mom’s funeral, he told us he was going to stand up and say something about her at the service but decided not to at the last minute.
When we asked him to tell us what he was going to say, he responded he didn’t know beyond his opening line of, “Hello, my name is Beckett, single since last August …”
It was at that point we were pleased to hear he got cold feet about standing up in front of the funeral.
A few years ago, Pam and I went to see John Rosemond talk about parenting at Worcester Prep. The topic centered largely on his advice to not raising entitled children.
A point of his presentation was keeping kids in check as far as their overall worth. In a recent online post, he said it was wrong of a couple to say it was their children when asked, “Who are the most important people in your family?”
While I don’t necessarily agree with everything Rosemond articulates in this piece, I thought it was worthy of sharing. If I were asked that question, I would say the parents are the most important people in the family. The values they instill and demonstrate by leading are critical when it comes to raising children. Our kids are watching and listening to us and learning from us.
Here’s some more of what Rosemond has to say on this topic.
“Instead of lives that are relatively carefree (despite the drama to the contrary that they occasionally manufacture), their children would be living lives full of worry and want.
“This issue is really the heart of the matter. People my age know it’s the heart of the matter because when we were kids it was clear to us that our parents were the most important people in our families. And that, right there, is why we respected our parents and that, right there, is why we looked up to adults in general. Yes, Virginia, once upon a time in the United States of America, children were second-class citizens, to their advantage.
“It was also clear to us — I speak, of course, in general terms, albeit accurate — that our parents’ marriages were more important to them than their relationships with us. Therefore, we did not sleep in their beds or interrupt their conversations. The family meal, at home, was regarded as more important than after-school activities. Mom and Dad talked more — a lot more — with one another than they talked with you. For lack of pedestals, we emancipated earlier and much more successfully than have children since.
“The most important person in an army is the general. The most important person in a corporation is the CEO. The most important person in a classroom is the teacher. And the most important person in a family are the parents.
“The most important thing about children is the need to prepare them properly for responsible citizenship. The primary objective should not be raising a straight-A student who excels at three sports, earns a spot on the Olympic swim team, goes to an A-list university and becomes a prominent brain surgeon. The primary objective is to raise a child such that community and culture are strengthened.
“Our child is the most important person in our family” is the first step toward raising a child who feels entitled.
“You don’t want that. Unbeknownst to your child, he doesn’t need that. And neither does America.”
