This whole passage of time concept while raising kids is bewildering to me.
When it comes to children growing up, many parents say they wish they could stop time because it’s flying by, wonder how their kids are growing so fast right before their eyes and contemplate how certain monumental moments in time could possibly be occurring when they were just in diapers.
I have felt all of those sentiments a couple times (maybe) in my nine-plus years of parenting, but more often I’m not thinking along those lines. I’m too busy raising our two active sons with my wife, while working demanding jobs and juggling responsibilities to reflect on or yearn for days gone by.
The time with my children is not flying by at breakneck pace. Maybe it’s because I’m present and involved every day in their lives. I’m just too busy and swamped most days to yearn for the days when they napped twice a day or were just learning to walk. There’s nothing easy about parenting my sons so there’s not a lot of down time to ponder how quickly they have become 9 and 7 years old, respectively.
There’s an old saying, “When days seem like years and years feel like days.” That’s more in line with how I consider parenting.
Each day comes with challenges, errands, unexpected occurrences, discipline, frustrations, proud moments and drives to this appointment or that camp. The end result after balancing multiple therapy sessions for Carson and dropping and picking up Beckett from camp with work responsibilities is exhaustion at day’s end. I typically have a lot of emotions and thoughts when I call it a day but none of them involve remorse for another day passing with my young children.
Therefore, when I hear parents remark at birthday parties how they can’t believe their baby is now 9 years old, how it went by so incredibly fast and how they wish time would stop and their kids would stay young forever, I have to bite my tongue (or roll my eyes privately to my wife). Either they are delusional and living in the clouds or have a much easier life with their children than I do with mine. It’s probably a combination of both.
I embrace and treasure every day with my kids. I feel like I need to make that disclaimer so as not to sound cold. Pam and I are so grateful to be their parents and put them first each day. However, with that said, most days come with many ups and downs and are exhausting. There are a lot of moments I’m fine with forgetting but will have the gray hair to remind me years from now. There are other instances — such as Surfer’s Healing day in Ocean City for Carson and Beckett achieving his goal of becoming a black belt — I will hold close to my heart forever because they mean everything to me.
After a beach day with my kids, however, I can tell you I’m not thinking, “man that day just flew by, please stop time, God.” Nope that’s not what in my head in between separate bathroom breaks that require leaving the beach within minutes of each other, 10 a.m. chants for ice cream, complaints from my 9-year-old how I’m not throwing the football in the perfect position for him to dive and catch it and questions about, “why can’t I go over my head in the ocean” and “Can we go to the pool now?” Nope I’m not questioning to myself how they are growing up too fast and life is moving too fast.
In all seriousness, I do understand where these incredulous parents are coming from when they talk about the speed of their parenting journey. There are years that seem like months and weeks that seem like years. It’s the nature of the beast that comes with parenting kids. It’s natural to get emotional and reminiscent because of the love involved.
My kids drive me crazy but I can’t imagine living without them. Every day starts and end with them, and most of my thoughts involve them in one capacity or another. They are the primary focus of every day.
It feels like just yesterday I was sneaking out of Beckett’s room inch by inch on my stomach while trying to gently free my hand holding in a binkie so he wouldn’t wake up. It seems like it was just a couple weeks ago that we would rock Carson in his car seat on the kitchen table after getting home from a car ride so we could eat in peace.
Those wonderful memories will stand the test of time as will the nightly arguments with Beckett about his summer reading assignments and daily explanations to a demanding Carson that five straight games of chess is too much for one person.
My prediction is as time goes on the challenges and unpleasant requirements of being a parent will be dulled by the psyche’s tendency to reflect on the positive and ignore the negative.
Years from now, I will probably be one of those parents wishing I could turn back, or slow down, time to when my kids were little and times were simpler. In the meantime, I am just exhausted from the 7-year-old of the house coming into my bed last night stealing my pillows and covers and snuggling with my wife.
