It’s fun watching the evolution of my sons’ relationship.
I say it’s evolving because the rapport between them is always changing at their ages.
After noticing that he seemed to be resentful toward Carson, 7, Pam and I had some long talks with Beckett, 9, about how important he is and will always be to his little brother.
We worried that Beckett was harboring ill feelings toward his brother because he often does demand more attention — albeit negative — because of his disabilities. He would get extremely jealous upon hearing that we spent the day with Carson without him despite the fact it was traveling for medical procedures and appointments. He would get upset that I wouldn’t just come outside to play soccer with him by myself and always included Carson. He was oftentimes jealous that Carson was receiving, in his mind, more individual attention.
As he has matured, Beckett, 9, has changed his stance on his brother. He’s now extremely loyal to Carson and oftentimes defends his actions, even if they are head scratchers. It’s to the point it’s annoying at times as Beckett becomes his best defense attorney.
For instance, after a long day at the soccer fields earlier this month, we stopped for dinner on the way home. We should have known better because Carson was showing signs of losing control because he was tired. We know the warning signs when bad behavior is imminent. We should have trusted our gut but hunger won out.
As dinner continued to unravel, Beckett, seemingly frustrated that his parents weren’t able to settle his brother down, started trying to retain Carson’s attention. He remarked how it was understandable that Carson was acting up because we made him watch him play soccer all day. “How much fun could that be for my brother?,” he asked.
That was one of those moments when as parents we just looked at each other and didn’t say a word.
Another recent example warmed our hearts. Because he can’t talk and is different than most kids, we worry about Carson being bullied at some point in his life. We almost assume it’s going to happen at some point. We have expressed this to Beckett and reminded him he’s to watch over his brother when they are at the park or in the backyard playing with friends. We want him to be his little brother’s advocate and protector. He needs to be our extra set of eyes.
On that subject, Beckett painted a hypothetical and what he would do if it ever played out. He said he knows he is never allowed to use what he has learned in karate outside the “dojang,” but he believes his instructors would be okay with him doing so if it meant defending his brother.
He got quite elaborate with his hypothetical, painting a scene of Carson and him playing on the beach and a couple boys coming up and getting upset with Carson when he wouldn’t answer their questions. He said he would explain to the kids why his brother doesn’t speak and if they didn’t understand that and kept hurting his feelings that he would “punch them all right in the nose” to protect Carson.
Before we could say anything at all, Beckett ran up the steps to his room showing the ridge hands and palm strikes he would use as he ran. Carson followed quickly, trying his best to keep up. It was as if he was excited to hear his brother had his back.
Before we could even say anything at all to each other, Beckett was screaming at the top of lungs that “Carson is in my room and bothering me.”
When I got into his room, Beckett was trying to push Carson off his bed. The end result was a good old fashion mini-brawl. It was as if what just took place downstairs never happened.
That’s how quick things can turn, but I like to think Beckett has his little brother’s back — on most days.
As far as shirts go, there seems to be two options for Beckett — tucked in or not at all.
I’m not sure if it’s the impact of wearing a school uniform for nine months a year for the last five years, but it’s fun to watch Beckett as he oftentimes obsesses on making sure his shirt is tucked in neatly.
If he’s wearing his school uniform, he’s adamant on it staying tucked in, whether he’s in school or not. He fixates on that no matter if it’s on the playground, home or inside the school.
We have noticed it has spilled over to church and sports as well. Last weekend after he and Carson had finished their soccer games we had a bounce house in our backyard for his birthday. Beckett was trying his hardest to keep his shirt tucked in. I enjoyed watching him fixate on it.
After a few minutes of realizing it was impossible to jump and keep his shirt in, he shed it. He stayed that way until the next morning when a T-shirt went back to getting tucked in.
Summer will probably take care of this new habit.
