With the pool about to be closed, we have been looking for a new proverbial “carrot” to dangle for good behavior from Carson.
For Carson, some days are smooth at school and some are far from it. Since typical behavior modification tools have proven largely ineffective, there’s some bribery that takes place. I prefer not to think of it that way. Instead, I think of it as a reward system.
Since swimming is his favorite thing, the pool has been effective as an end of the day bonus for doing well at school. Over the last few weeks, there have been some frigid swimming sessions as a result. A promise is a promise so I have always lived up to the deal.
On Sunday, however, Carson and I agreed the pool days were over for the season. Pam and I had spent the night before out for a wedding. Before leaving I told Carson if he behaved for his grandmother that I would take him in the pool as soon as we got home Sunday morning. That was before I realized it was going to be in the mid-50s that day.
The cold pool and cool air temperatures led to Carson not even getting his head wet. Apparently, Beckett was told by Pam that we were in the pool so he came sprinting out and jumped right in. He regretted that, getting out immediately and sprinting for the outdoor shower to warm up.
With the pool now gone as an option to motivate Carson to do well at school, we have moved on to chess, his new favorite game. On Monday, at his locker in his classroom, I reminded him of our deal — chess after his homework so long as he had a good day. He then put up 10 fingers, so I gave him a double high five. He shook that off and was intending to let me know he wanted to play 10 games.
Beckett is a terrible loser.
My approach to that is mixed. I don’t really have a problem with the fact he has a disdain for losing. In fact, I think it’s a good thing so long as he uses it as motivation.
After a particularly lopsided loss the other day, he was fired up, saying the other team was cheating. I ignored it at first because it was absurd and tried to redirect to something positive he did. He didn’t budge from his viewpoint so I asked him to explain when specifically they were cheating.
He said it was when he was fouled and given a direct kick outside the penalty box. He said the opposing team set up their wall too close to him. He said that was why his shot cleared the cross bar and he missed. We went back and forth a little bit on that. I never told him he was wrong, but one thing I do know it wouldn’t have affected the game’s outcome.
After he played two games in one day in a recent tournament, winning one and losing another, I was quick to remind him of a funny situation when winning didn’t matter to him.
He was 3 years old and playing county recreation soccer. Somehow he managed to get free from the group of kids hovered around the ball, which was in front of him by about 10 yards. I remember being so excited for him because he might score his first goal.
Well, rather than dribble the ball or shoot it, he instead ran up to it and did a beautiful somersault over the ball. He then got up and shot the ball. That showed how much time he had before anyone else was around him. He missed the shot but I don’t even remember if the ball was saved or went wide. We were all too busy laughing over what we had just seen.
We then watched as the players on both teams started doing their own somersaults.
I had lunch with Carson at school on Tuesday.
Apparently, it’s National School Lunch Week and parents were invited to join their children on a designated day. Pam went last year and I wanted to go this year.
I must admit I was extremely busy on this particular day at work and it was a push-up to get out of the office. This lunch was stressing me out because I had so much work to get done.
After seeing his face in the lunchroom, all those professional worries immediately went away. I forgot all about my other obligations.
When asked for advice by new parents or expecting parents — which happens quite often actually, possibly because of this rambling — my first response is always to be present. It’s important to be engaged and involved with your kids. This comes from years of getting advice from other parents about how fast the raising kids stage goes and to make sure you don’t have any regrets about missing time with them.
I took my own advice here and I’m glad I did. Ten years from now, I’m not going to remember whatever it was that was distracting me at work. I can’t even recall today what it was a couple days ago.
However, I know I will always remember sitting with him in his lunch room and joking how I hope I didn’t break his little table due to my weight. I do reserve the right, though, to forget the fact he kept measuring my rear-end with his hands. That was his way of questioning whether the table would hold.
