Adventures Of Fatherhood

An annoying new phrase has surfaced around the house.

For a few days, everything Beckett had to say was qualified with, “I know that but …”

He was using it constantly and most of the time it was used completely wrong and made little sense. Apparently, somewhere along the way, he heard it and it has stuck with him, and he has been wearing it out.

The other morning he seemed particularly fond of the phrase. When I asked him repeatedly to use the bathroom, reminding him it’s the first thing we do when we wake up in the morning, he offered up this brilliant nugget.

“I know that, but I’m going to play my guitar now. I’m fine with that, okay,” he said.

We had a little conversation about that sassy mouth, but soon after it was confirmed that was fruitless.

As I put his pancakes on the table for breakfast, I called to him in the other room to stop playing and come eat.

A room away, he said, “I know that, but I will eat later … I know that, I’m doing this right now.” He continued muttering something that I couldn’t hear, but it started with “I know that…”

A few minutes went by and he finally came to the kitchen table, expressing immediate disappointment that he was not having popcorn, of all things, for breakfast.

After letting him know that’s not what we have first thing in the morning, he, in predictable fashion, said, “I know that, but I like popcorn and it’s what I want right now”, before storming off into the other room.

I gave his breakfast to Carson, who just laughed and laughed.
Kids say the funniest things, yes, but they also do some pretty hilarious things as well.

That’s why watching my kids, or really any kids for that matter, cracks me up. The goofier they are the more I love them and those who do crazy, unpredictable things particularly warm my heart.

Here are some examples of recent interactions between my kids that are fresh in my mind:

— While in the bath the other night, Carson once again confirmed one does not have to speak to be funny.

Beckett was standing in the tub bent over playing with a toy and poor Carson had quite the sight just a few inches from his face. Beckett knew exactly what he was doing and seemed to get a kick out of giving Carson this unique view of his undercarriage.

All of a sudden I noticed Carson was inching closer and closer to Beckett’s rear and he had his mouth open like he was motioning to bite it. He was looking me straight in the eyes with his mouth open as he got closer and closer before giving his big brother’s butt a nice little kiss (which Beckett later called a doggie kiss for some reason).

We all had a great laugh over that with Beckett encouraging Carson to stand up and bend over so he could return the favor. They went back and forth giving each other’s rear-ends little kisses for a few minutes and even did their best to encourage me to participate in this odd show of affection.

I resisted.

— The big-brother, little-brother dynamic is something to behold, particularly as the boys are getting older.

Beckett likes to kiss Carson on the cheek, but unfortunately he can be so rough with his little brother that it borders on assault.

When he gets the itch, Beckett will do whatever it takes to lay a kiss on Carson, even if it means yanking on his head and twisting his body so he can plant one on his cheek. Carson usually doesn’t mind too much, though.

However, we discovered where he draws the line when it comes to being too rough.

Beckett gave Carson a big kiss the other day and followed it up with a not-so-kind shove to the ground.

It seems Beckett’s mentality is love him and leave him.
Carson, who is not bothered by much, let everyone in the house know that was unacceptable to him.
—   Oftentimes my childish side gets in the way of parenting.

For instance, last week Beckett pulled a certain inanimate object out of his nose and proceeded to wipe it on his brother’s shirt. I immediately corrected him, forcing him to remove it and place it on a tissue.

As I went to throw that away, I couldn’t help but start laughing at what I just witnessed.

I even had to hide around the corner from the kids for a minute to regain my composure because the last thing I wanted them to see was me laughing at something as disgusting and unacceptable as that.

When I returned, I found the kids sitting next to each other on the floor. Carson was hitting Beckett atop the head with a tambourine, while Beckett, for some reason, was yanking off Carson’s socks.

When I asked Beckett why he was letting Carson hit him on the head and why he was taking off his younger brother’s socks, he said succinctly, “because his feet stink, see …”

The adventures continue.

About The Author: Steven Green

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The writer has been with The Dispatch in various capacities since 1995, including serving as editor and publisher since 2004. His previous titles were managing editor, staff writer, sports editor, sales account manager and copy editor. Growing up in Salisbury before moving to Berlin, Green graduated from Worcester Preparatory School in 1993 and graduated from Loyola University Baltimore in 1997 with degrees in Communications (journalism concentration) and Political Science.