Adventures Of Fatherhood

Adventures Of Fatherhood
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I don’t know how people without a sense of humor get through this parenting adventure.

While we admit that we are far from perfect parents (sometimes my kids’ behavior actually makes me wonder if I am any good at this at all), Pam and I have found laughing at some of the absolutely ridiculous things that take place in our lives with our kids helps us get through it.

Most of the time we are laughing at something the kids have done, but there are other moments when we are laughing at how ridiculous each other are at times.

For instance, I know I say some of the most lame-brained things ever to my kids, particularly when they happen to rattle me a bit.

Nobody was around the other night fortunately when I had to wonder how I became so flustered. One terribly long day teamed with two kids with entirely too much energy equaled a daddy with a short fuse.

Beckett was literally bouncing off the walls and Carson seemed to be scaling them simultaneously, resulting in me playing the threat card. I can’t even remember everything I said during my tirade, but it had something to do with cutting out all eating and drinking if they didn’t start behaving.

It was something like, “if you don’t stop, I will never feed you again … and that goes for juice, too.”

Beckett found that so hilarious he muttered in between somersaults on the couch something like, “now daddy you are just being silly.”

When I told him no tumbling on the couch, particularly with your shoes on, he had the nerve to quote one of my oft-used lines — “just take it easy daddy, settle down a little bit.”

As aggravated as I was at that time, I did have a good laugh over that, which did seem to ease the tension in the room because the source of it was me.

The kids were having a ball and didn’t seem to be bothered by the fact they were not listening to me in the least bit.

Other times most of the funny moments are only realized by Pam and me when the kids either say or do something that they don’t even understand is funny.

For instance, like most kids, our boys love running around naked, or “commando” as Beckett likes to holler.

However, what they don’t realize is what kind of a view they give us at times, particularly when they bend over to pick up a toy or try to climb on furniture.

These sorts of sights appeal to the little boy inside me that gets a kick out of that sort of stuff, and Pam can’t help but laugh when I rush over to her like a little kid and point out the glorious rear-end shot I was getting from the boys.

Another example is Beckett’s newfound desire to stick his finger in his little brother’s mouth, leading me the other afternoon to say, “Beckett, Carson is not a sea bass, stop hooking him”.

At one point, he was becoming so fond of it that he was pulling him around the backyard by his index finger, which was firmly planted inside Carson’s cheek. This again leads to lots of laughs, which may or may not get in the way of proper parenting.

The other morning Beckett provided me with some more laughs.

For the first time in months, I had to wake him up in the morning to get him ready for the day. Typically, the roles are reversed, as Beckett is usually the first up in the house (sometimes as early as 4 a.m.).

On this particular day, it was 7:30 and he wanted no parts of starting the day yet.

“Daddy, leave me alone, I want to sleep,” he said.

That’s what I’m going to tell him the next time he tries to climb in bed with us at 4 a.m., asking to watch Diego.

That leads me to another situation involving Carson in our bed.

For some odd reason, Carson woke up particularly early on a weekend morning, leading us to desperately try to get a couple more hours of sleep from him by bringing him in our bed.

That was a mistake, as we spent the better part of an hour wrestling him to the bed and he was up to the challenge. Before we know it, he was inching his way loose and at one point squirmed his feet to my face, using my head as a support to push his entire body over Pam’s head. It was a strategic play by him that did led to lots of laughs, despite the fact it was shortly after 5 that morning.

There’s no other way to accept that kind of early morning awakening without a sense of humor.

Along those lines, one early morning Beckett was roaming the second floor before anyone was awake. We were able to hear him stomping around, although he thought he was being quiet.

When we called to him, he ordered us to go back to sleep and that he was taking care of some business in bathroom.

We thought briefly that’s great that he is so potty trained that he got himself out of bed to do what he needed to do. Within a couple minutes, we knew that was not the business he was referring to at all.

Instead, by the sound of it, he was basically wrecking the bathroom and maneuvered a chair against a wall so he prop himself up to reach the toothpaste. That’s what sounded like at least.

When I walked in, I asked him what he was doing and he said, “having breakfast”, as he was sitting on the toilet sucking all the toothpaste out of the tube. And yes the chair was against the wall as we figured.

Meanwhile, all around him was devastation, all in the name of getting his toothpaste.

Sometimes, you just have to laugh to keep from crying.

About The Author: Steven Green

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The writer has been with The Dispatch in various capacities since 1995, including serving as editor and publisher since 2004. His previous titles were managing editor, staff writer, sports editor, sales account manager and copy editor. Growing up in Salisbury before moving to Berlin, Green graduated from Worcester Preparatory School in 1993 and graduated from Loyola University Baltimore in 1997 with degrees in Communications (journalism concentration) and Political Science.