The Adventures In Fatherhood

Among the many perks of raising young kids is the bizarre randomness that comes with the journey.

The young mind is a funny thing, and it’s not lost on me.

Maybe all children at the age of my oldest son, Beckett, a couple months shy of 3 years old, are like this, but this kid never stops talking, and he’s worth listening to because you just never know what’s going to come out of his mouth.

His comments are funny on so many fronts, but mainly because they are incredibly unpredictable and bizarre.

The only way to illustrate the point is to give some examples. Therefore, here are a few to chew on:

ν    On a recent morning, I walked into his room to find him standing there holding a book high over his head. Before I could even ask him what he was about to do, he immediately said, “Beckett, stop, drop and roll,” and proceeded to do just that after he flung the book across the room. I have no idea how he learned that.

ν    On another morning, from the bathroom, I could hear him playing his guitar, singing, “Wake up little Susie, wake up”. This stems from Christmas morning when he found a guitar under the tree, and his Pop-Pop showed Beckett his rendition of this classic tune.

ν    An hour on Saturday mornings is spent at Crown in Fruitland for Lil Kickers soccer. Usually, Beckett is really excited by all the games, but last Saturday was another story. He seemed particularly distracted on this day. Eventually, running off the field, he said, “I’m done with soccer.” It was 11:02 a.m. (it started at 11 a.m.).

ν    While standing in line at Starbucks last weekend, Beckett turned to the couple behind us and said, “boys have penises and I am a big boy.” He then turned around and told the guy behind the counter, seemingly without taking a breath, “I want a donut.”

ν    A couple minutes later, while waiting for my drink at the same Starbucks, and trying with all his might to rip off my hat, he said, “I want to go swimming.”

ν    Amidst the hoopla that is bath time around my house, Beckett tries often a little conniving to get his way. After the bath was all complete and he was getting dried off, he pointed to his elbow and said, “Daddy, I still dirty, I need a bath.” While I admired the thought process, it didn’t work.

ν    Watching Beckett with our youngest son, Carson, 15 months old, is always entertaining. The behavior can range from sweet and pleasant to angry and rough from Beckett. One day recently, I caught him pulling with force on Carson’s fingers. Before I said anything, he saw my face and immediately started softly petting Carson on the head, gave him a kiss on the cheek and said, “see Carson I’m gentle, I love you.” While incredibly touching, it’s worth noting a couple minutes later he was back yanking on his fingers.

ν    One of Beckett’s favorite comments is, “Carson’s being bad.” On the surface, this may not be terribly funny, but to us it’s hilarious because it’s rarely true and it’s almost always him being the one that’s being on the ornery side.  I am biased, of course, but Carson is practically an angel, rarely cries and continues to show a laidback mentality.

I particularly like it when he tries to tattletale on Carson. For instance, when I discovered a sippie cup full of milk leaking on the floor the other day, I turned to Beckett, who immediately said, “Carson did it.”

ν    One night last week, I walked in the house from work to find Beckett sprinting commando from one end of the house to the other, screaming his head off with his shirt in one hand and his pants in the other. When I asked him what he was doing, he said, “running around the house like a crazy kid.”

Unfortunately, as luck would have it, the kids woke up last Sunday morning well before 6.

During the week, this would be no big deal, as we’re up early anyway, but Sunday is usually a day we like to let the sun rise before we start the day. That was not happening on this particular morning.

Ever since Beckett moved to the toddler bed, we have been putting up a gate outside his door to keep him contained to his room. For whatever reason, I forgot to put it up last Saturday night.

On one hand, I regretted it that next morning, but, on the other hand, it did allow us a first in our young family’s life.

With the gate down, Beckett was able to roam the second floor and he apparently headed directly for his little brother’s room because we could hear them laughing and playing together. This was the first time this had happened, and it’s surely the first of many mornings that will inevitably start this way.

Waking up to the kids talking and giggling together was wonderful, even if the clock did read 5:45 a.m.

We probably would have let them continue on with their fun if Beckett hadn’t tried to scale Carson’s crib. That wasn’t something we could just hang out in bed and watch on the video monitor, as visions of him crashing down on his little brother’s head danced through our heads.

About The Author: Steven Green

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The writer has been with The Dispatch in various capacities since 1995, including serving as editor and publisher since 2004. His previous titles were managing editor, staff writer, sports editor, sales account manager and copy editor. Growing up in Salisbury before moving to Berlin, Green graduated from Worcester Preparatory School in 1993 and graduated from Loyola University Baltimore in 1997 with degrees in Communications (journalism concentration) and Political Science.