My Thoughts

The old guy likes his sports, particularly baseball, golf and college football. He’s not too queer over basketball, tennis, hockey, water polo, lacrosse, soccer and all those others you find on the sports channels late at night. While flipping back and forth last Sunday afternoon during commercials of the Orioles game and the golf tournament, the inevitable happened a couple times there were commercials on both channels. So Insider hit mute on the golf tourney and waited. In a couple-minute span, two commercials came on dealing with male erectile dysfunction. One commercial had an old couple watching a sunset making eyes with each other and then all of a sudden smiling brightly. Before Insider could even ask himself why they are smiling so ridiculously, a Viagra logo came across the screen followed by a speed talker warning of the side-effects, flushed face, feet swelling, sweating, etc. In the other commercial, some wrinkled-up couples were sitting around talking and then they all suddenly went their separate ways to different rooms. Before Insider could figure out what was happening, a Cialis logo appeared abruptly. If you go by these commercials, which are obviously targeted around sports viewing, the key to being happy and old is the pill that may or may not make something happen to improve the sex life. Insider is old and he wants to be as happy as those old-timers on television so he called his doc the other day to get some of these smiley pills. The old guy is anxiously awaiting the returned call because he, too, likes to smile.

Insider has to wonder what all the fuss is with slot machines. They used to be in all the saloons in Ocean City 50 years ago, and there was no problem. The bar owners loved them because whenever anyone hit the jackpot all the rewards went into their pockets. There’s only one thing gambling addicts love more than winning money and that’s alcohol. Whether it’s spending money, playing checkers, smoking drugs, chugging beers, smoking cigarettes or chewing gum, that addictive personality always come through, and it can win in many forms.

Things The Old Guy Dislikes: Tall grass; trees that start loosing their leaves in August; waking up to an alarm; when his morning paper is all wet; automatic ice makers; when the fuel light comes on; snotty grocery store clerks; convertible cars; fake breasts; bottled water; electric bills in the summer; uninformed politicians; people with entitlement issues; red ink pens; and comedians who have to curse to be funny.