My Thoughts

Insider likes to take the pooch to the bank once a month to deposit his social security check. Visit any drive-in bank in Worcester County and invariably your bank bag will be returned to you with a nice milk bone for your buddy. That’s nice. And what’s even nicer is that after a visit or two the dog becomes aware of what’s going on and stares out the window at the teller throughout the entire transaction. What’s not so nice is the foamy liquid that rolls down the car window each time and only subsides after the milk bone is tossed in the back seat.

While at the bank the other day, the dog was in her customary position in the back seat, head pointed straight out to the teller and drool falling all over the place when Insider got to thinking: do dogs like summer or winter better? Insider has to think it’s the winter because cold weather does not bother the four-legged types. They handle the cold. The summer, on the other hand, gives most dogs a fit. They do not subscribe to the whole ‘take it easy when it’s hot’ mantra. That’s beyond their IQ. The old guy’s dog runs around first thing in the morning like it’s no problem. The next thing Insider knows the dog is nowhere to be found. Finally, she is located underneath a tree, lying on her side with her tongue hanging out on the grass. She will never learn.

Tuesday was National Gargle Day.

In case you didn’t know, the capital of Maryland is Annapolis, not Baltimore. Its nickname is the "Old Line State" The state bird is the Baltimore Oriole. The state flower is the Black-Eyed Susan. The state tree is the White Oak. The state song is “Maryland My Maryland." The state sport is jousting.

It’s not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.

Why do all women love to dance so much? They love coming across a non-dancing guy like Insider because there is something in them that makes them attack this non-believing heathen sitting before them. Word spreads throughout the party that Insider is a non-dancer and all females unite in the attack. Dancing is stupid. It achieves no purpose, unless your boxer shorts are riding up too high. Insider once knew a guy in Ocean City who was rich and thought all the women were after him because of his good looks. To accommodate, he decided to become a smooth dancer to go along with his devastating good looks. The end result was a no talent guy with absolutely no rhythm, clunking around the dance floor like a dancing bear. To make matters worse, he was trying to do it all to a latin beat like those phonies on the television every other night.