Adventures Of Fatherhood

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Beckett is a hilarious story teller and he recently added some new skills to his trade.

Since he seems to enjoy spelling very much these days, he has added that to many of his stories with the result being it keeps us on our toes.

One day after school, Beckett was talking to Pam about his day when all of a sudden he remembered something he wanted to tell her. He described an incident that took place between him and his buddy.

“Guess what [so and so, no names needed here] did … he p-u-n-c-h-e-d m-e in the privates, you know the n-u-t-s,” he said.

I am so glad I was not the one having the story told to me because on these sorts of locker room topics I still possess the maturity level of a little boy. I am usually adept at keeping that side of me suppressed, but there is no way I would have been able to keep a straight face as he told that story, especially when he felt the need to elaborate and spell out the word he prefers to use for his most sensitive of areas.

Spelling it out only made it that much more hilarious because he really doesn’t know what he’s doing. He just knows those are words he can spell and he thinks it’s okay to spell out questionable words so long as he doesn’t say it.

Another story involved something he overheard a big kid say at the playground. He came running over to me, motioned for me to come to him and pointed to a teen-ager across the way. In tattletale fashion, he then proceeded to spell out a few curse words he had overheard him saying to his friends, leading me to wonder how he knows how to spell the words that start with a ‘f’, ‘s’ and ‘b’ at 6 years of age.

When I asked him that, he redirected, saying, “no way, I spelled them right? I was just guessing by sounding them out.”

After turning away and getting myself together, I reinforced how inappropriate those words are to use in any fashion, including spelling out, and Beckett replied, “yeah, they s-o-u-n-d v-e-r-y s-t-u-p-i-d and dumb.”

Another story was a quick one that involved another tattle moment on his little brother. Requesting I come in close again, he whispered, “Carson c-l-i-m-b-e-d on the ottoman and j-u-m-p-e-d and hit B-a-i-l-e-y [our dog] on the b-u-t-t.”

It’s hilarious to see which words he chooses to spell out and which he does not. One thing is for sure it keeps us listening because we have to stay with his spelling in our head to make sure we keep up with him.

 

Embarrassing my kids is a lot of fun to me.

Not much seems to mortify Carson, 4, but Beckett on the other hand is fun to mess with at times.

While I do intentionally on occasion try to embarrass him for fun, I ended up shaming myself in the process a couple weeks ago.

During halftime of a recent Upward Soccer game, Beckett’s coach needed some volunteers. I did so, having no idea what I was getting myself into. I soon learned why there were not too many parents stepping forward. They knew what happened at halftime.

Because it was the game of the week, parents from both teams were to compete in a friendly game during the break. In our case, it was run from the end line to half field, do 10 rotations around a baseball bat and then run back.

Most of the parents wiped out after spinning around the bat or at least staggered to get back to the end line.

I was in the fall down hard category as I went down immediately after spinning around the bat, confirming the age-old discovery that the older you get the more susceptible to motion you become. As if that wasn’t bad enough, I had the hardest time getting back to my team because I could not run in a straight line, thanks to a temporary case of vertigo.

When I finally made it back, I was greeted by Beckett, who was laughing hysterically and kept asking me, “Why did you do that?”

I didn’t have an answer and still don’t, but I will not be volunteering for any halftime show anytime soon.

 

For a non-verbal child, Carson is easily able to communicate his wants and needs.

Surely that sounds contradictory, but it’s true, at least for his parents.

Carson knows some sign language and has some alternative devices to help him express himself, but most of the time he simply expresses himself in a clear fashion.

There’s never a time we do not know what’s on his mind or how he is doing. He just shows it in less obvious ways than speaking.

While concerns about his speech are always on our minds, there are times when you can’t help but get a kick out of the lengths he goes to get his point across.

A typical example was the other night. For some reason, Beckett felt the need to get naked in the living room and left his underwear on the floor. From another room, I could hear Carson making noises. When I found him, he was standing with his hands cupped around his mouth, mocking a shouting fashion.

What had him enthralled was Beckett’s underwear on the floor. It turns out he was making a joke because he leaned down toward them and fanned his nose.

When I picked them up and went to take them upstairs, he grabbed them out of my hand and threw them in the trash can, again making that fanning motion by his nose. It was funny.