An Inferior’s Letter To Mother Nature


Dear Mother Nature,

You sure are a fickle you know what.

Let’s take the last week as an example. For the most part, it was quite pleasant with temperatures reaching the upper-60s on Saturday during the annual Irish parade and festival in Ocean City. That was until Sunday evening when temperatures plummeted and rain turned to sleet and then eventually snow. Once it started snowing, it didn’t stop for about 24 hours and at least six inches of snow blanketed the area.

Within a couple days, the snow was all but gone, thanks to some rain and warm temperatures. Now word is some sort of disturbance will take place next week that could bring more snow to the area, despite the fact spring officially started yesterday.
While it’s clear you are not one to follow the whims of the calendar, it seems you have been feeling disrespected and hold a burning desire to demonstrate your control and power. We have a couple things to say about that.

First, there is no reason to be feeling denigrated because we know you are in the driver’s seat here. Living in this area, we know all too well what kind of havoc and destruction you can reap. You have done it often and more times than any of us care to document.

Furthermore, the weather roller coaster you have been tossing our way is simply unfair. Take the poor daffodils for example. In many areas, they popped happily out of the ground during a warm spell earlier this month in between the two Monday snow storms. On Tuesday, images of the yellow flowers buried in snow were evident everywhere.

One of the pleasures of living in this coastal area is the change of the seasons. Typically, there are wild extremes that come with it, but this has been a ridiculous winter season. Even the kids are now rolling their eyes at all this snow and Arctic air.

We would like to let you know you win and the proverbial white flag is being waved here. You are in control and we are asking you to please adhere to the mercy rule, which in youth sports involves an acknowledgement that one foe is completely overmatched by the other and there is no competitive chance.

Enough is enough. We know us mere mortals are no match to your might and will. We just ask for a fair shot in this game, and we implore you to please ease up or at least make up your mind one way or the other.

We do hope — respectfully, of course — you agree it’s spring and start acting that way.


Your obedient inferior


One thought on “An Inferior’s Letter To Mother Nature

  1. Dear Inferior,
    Thank you for your recent correspondence. I’d like to take the time to respond to several of your well articulated points starting with my fickleness. Surely you jest? I don’t think toiling away at the same task since the beginning of time is a very good example of fickleness. I try very hard to keep things new and exciting and I pride myself on my attention to detail. No two snowflakes alike? Helloooo? If I was fickle I might have tinkered around with Earth’s weather patterns for a millennia or so but I’m committed to this… obviously! I mean, I could be sorting out galaxies or managing black holes, both of which offer better hours and benefits, but nooooo I choose to stay the course. So, there you go, not fickle. 
    It’s snowing. It’s warm. Flowers are blooming. It’s snowing again. Welcome to spring my little minion! Same “roller coaster” it’s always been for like, I don’t know, FOREVER! You just don’t happen to like it this year. Not really my problem, maybe seasonal depression has gotten to you. Maybe you’ve fallen into that “why me”/”that’s not fair” trap. Maybe your mad as a hatter to think arguing with Mother Nature will get you anywhere. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result… something to think about. 
    Now, about this “mercy” rule. I’m not sure if you hit your head or what but those mortal rules do not apply to me. They’re ridiculous and enabling. This is the big leagues, son. You go big or you go home and I don’t give out medals for participation! Also, thank you for conceding victory to me but that is unnecessary and , to a lesser entity, could be insulting. Take the Boogyman for example, he would not take kindly to your condescending tone. Lucky for you I am more highly evolved than the Boogyman. Although, he is definitely a better cook than me but that’s another story. 
    Last but not least, the children. “Even the kids are now rolling their eyes at all this snow and Arctic air”. Well, this does give me pause. What kind of video/tv/computer addicted,overly indulged children has your species been producing lately? Your worried about flowers? Don’t! Years ago I couldn’t push up enough blooms to keep up with all those sticky little adolescent fingers plucking at them madly until there were just stubs left. Now, I couldn’t lure those little zombies out with a 10 foot maypole covered in flowers! 
    So, yes, I do agree it’s spring. With the same unpredictable weather patterns that have been associated with spring since my Father Time started keeping track. (FYI, Father Time would not take kindly to this kind of direct confrontation so don’t try it with him. It wouldn’t end well) I’m sorry you don’t happen to care for this years offering but life isn’t fair now is it? I suggest maybe letting go of your idealist ways and adopting a more realistic sense of the world around you. At least until summer when you all can pretend like you’ve never in your whole life experienced a summer so hot and humid.
    Mother Nature
    ps: don’t mess with me!

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