My Thoughts

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Insider is one of those types who asks for a Senior Citizen discount wherever he goes. It’s just a habit. It’s one of the perks of old age. One place that does not discount is the doctor’s office. When the old guy went to the doctor the other day to find out why his foot had been bothering him, Insider was told he had to pay $20 before he was allowed to be graced by the doctor’s presence and wisdom. It’s called a “co pay” or something like that. When asked if that included his senior citizen discount, a rude secretary dressed in white with weird purple flowers snickered and said, “yes sir.” Insider left that day sure he was being laughed at behind that big, white door, but it never hurts to ask, and it’s not the first time he has ever been laughed at.

The old guy recently attended a birthday party for some young punk in his family. While celebrating everything about this 6-year-old boy, whose name the old guy forgets, Insider overheard the mother talking about how she lets her kids eat anything they want on their birthday. It’s apparently a family tradition that’s been honored since she was a little girl. Consequently, this little punk ate the following in the course of a day: a scrapple, sausage, bacon and cheese sandwich for breakfast, a Snickers candy bar, a bacon double cheeseburger from McDonalds with fries, a chocolate milkshake, hot dogs cut up in macaroni cheese, chocolate cake and ice cream and chocolate chip cookies. After hearing that, Insider does not need the latest, greatest and overpriced study to tell him the reasons why America’s youth are overweight.

This occasion got the Insider to thinking about what would be his ideal day of food. It would have to start with a heaping pile of creamed chipped beef over French fries with lots of pepper. A few hours later, he would go for a rare burger (hand-pattied from fresh ground beef, of course) off a grill. It would include onions, pickles, mustard and ketchup and be washed down with a RC Cola. For dinner, it would have to be his best friend’s spaghetti and meatballs – served with a big spoon, a fork and parmesan cheese. About 11:30, right before Leno, he would open up two packs of Goldenberg Peanut Chews, enough to last him through the show. That would be followed quickly by a few Rolaids.

After ingesting all that, Insider would not need the latest, greatest and overpriced study to tell him the reasons why America’s elderly are overweight.

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