There’s really no problem with getting old. In fact, you wouldn’t even notice it without a younger generation consistently asking you, “are you okay?” and “are you tired, today?” The only difficulty with aging is that your friends and relatives keep dying, resulting in those damn funerals. The next time Insider talks to the Big Guy in the sky he’s going to suggest we all just disappear when our time comes. Knock off the funeral crap and all that goes with it. Of course, that wouldn’t solve the leftovers problem. It’s the junk we leave behind that clutters other people’s lives. Right now the old guy has a box full of leftover cigarette lighters. He personally uses a Zippo lighter and that’s all he needs. He refills it when it’s empty and that’s all that’s needed. The 16 or so lighters in the box just lay there waiting for him to die so they can be given to a still kicking old turkey. The lighters have been going the rounds for some time. There’s one Baltimore Colts lighter from the days they were winning the Super Bowl. There’s even a lighter in there made in “Occupied Japan” for God’s sake. Although Insider owns no cuff link shirts, his jewelry box contains 12 pairs of cuff links. There’s also nine tie clasps of various design. His closest is bulging with somebody else’s suits and sport coats that he will never wear. He has scores of sport shirts obviously outdated in design and he has more than enough leather belts to tie up the Queen Mary. So, although we are all destined to die, our junk lives on to become someone else’s junk which lives on to become someone else’s junk.
Remember? When it was real magic when your dad would remove his thumb … when it was “like rich people” to dine out at a restaurant … when girls neither kissed or dated until late high school … when all male teachers wore neck ties and female teachers had their hair “done” … when the newest radios had the amber-lighted dial in the center with an on-off volume dial on the left and a station dial in the middle … laughing at Jack Benny … when metal detectors and locker searches and drug testing in schools were only science fiction stories … having a weapon in school was being caught with a slingshot … when there was no CNN or Fox News … when there were days radio would not in because it was cloudy … when you turned the TV on 15 minutes before you wanted to watch it to let it warm up.