Editor’s Note: The old guy forgot to do his column this week. When called on Wednesday, 48 hours after his deadline, and asked about this week’s column, he said, “I forgot to do it, sue me.” We hope he remembers next week. In the meantime, here’s an oldie but goodie from the past because we had to fill the space.
Reprinted from March 12, 1999
Insider has always been famous for his ability to write headlines. One of the first headlines he ever wrote was “God Made The World,” but that was a long, long time ago. Over the years, Insider has noticed that many of his headlines had a double meaning, only discovered after the paper hit the streets. Here’s a just of the old guy’s flubs:
Include Your Children When Baking Cookies; Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says; Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers; Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted; Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case; Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents; Farmer Bill Dies In House; Iraqi Head Seeks Arms; Stud Tires Pit; Prostitutes Appeal To Pope; Panda Mating Fails, Veterinarian Takes Over; Soviet Virgin Lands Short Of Goal Again; Eye Drops Off Shelf; Teacher Strikes Idle Kids; Reagan Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead; Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim; Shot Off Women’s Legs Helps Nicklaus To 66; Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax; Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told; Miners Refuse To Work After Death;
Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant; Stolen Painting Found By Tree; Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies; Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter; Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years; Drunken Drivers Paid $1,000 In ’84; War Dims Hope For Peace; If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last A While; Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures; Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge; Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery, Hundreds Dead; Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge; New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group; Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft; Kids Make Nutritious Snacks; Chef Throws His Heart Into Helping Feed Needy; Arson Suspect Is Held In Mass. Fire; British Union Finds Dwarfs In Short Supply; Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half; Man Minus Ears Waives Hearing; Air Head Fired, Steals Clock, Faces Time; Hospitals Are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors; Old School Pillars Are Replaced by Alumni; Bank Drive-In Window Blocked By Board; Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training.