When Insider started losing his sight, his life changed forever. The old guy is not blind. He’s just got terrible vision and is extremely close to blind without his trusty glasses. That’s what happens after a few detached retinas and years of successful followed by unsuccessful cataract surgeries. Insider has pairs of glasses all over the house. He’s got some stuck in drawers here and there, on the side of the couch, in the car glove compartment, hanging on the toilet paper dispenser, in the shed, and he even found a pair in the mailbox the other day. The old guy figures they were left there while he was reading the mail. He liked the idea so much he left the pair there and took the pair atop his head back inside.
The old guy stopped buying the expensive kinds of glasses years ago and now opts for the cheap sort. He’s got the expensive prescription lens because he has to have them. Plus, insurance pays for them, but he goes with the cheapest rims available. He’s not out to impress anyone any longer. He just wants to be able to see. He doesn’t care what others see. Insider’s health insurance and means are limited these days, so some of his glasses do not have the prescription lens. He filled those auxiliaries with simple magnifying glasses that work just as well for short-term, easy-access use.
What’s strange is Insider’s vision is as bad as it gets, but his hearing is great. That’s the big man upstairs’ way of giving us human beings a break. To bless a blind man with great hearing is God’s way of leveling the playing field and keeping things as square as possible. The same goes with the deaf guy who has sterling eyes. To take away a man’s hearing and sight is just cruel and unusual punishment. Insider may not be able to see who is approaching him without his glasses, but he can always tell who they are by their voice, breathing and whether they stomp or not.
You’re an old timer if: you are over the age of 75; you don’t ever believe the weatherman; you have no idea what a plasma television is; rare is the only way to order a steak; marriage is something you only do once; you think everyone should use underwear; mousse is something you eat, not put in your hair; you miss the way old barbershops used to be; you take your daily showers at night; a good day is not needing a cane to get around; new vehicle prices make you sick to your stomach; if gasoline prices give you a headache; you remember when newspapers were only in black and white; all the colors in newspapers today give you a headache; you remember Ali fighting in the Olympics under a different name; you can’t tie your own shoelaces any more; you drop the soap in the shower and you just leave it there; you don’t do laundry but once a month; you don’t know what it means when a vehicle is ‘fully loaded’; it’s cold outside when it’s below 70 degrees; and it’s hot outside if it’s above 72 degrees.