Happy New Year! It’s perhaps the silliest greeting in the history of man. Insider was on his daily walk the other day and a neighbor shouted out across the street “Happy New Year.” It was all Insider could do not to extend his left arm and uncoil a certain finger at his idiot neighbor. Rather than make an enemy of someone at such close quarters, he mustered a head nod akin to the type you give the stranger you are standing behind at the grocery store or the kind men give to each other as they wait in line at the urinal. The old guy has never Happy New Year’d anyone and never will. There’s no reason to do it. It’s like saying Happy President’s Day to someone. The worst part of all is those people who do insist on the Happy New Year greeting will continue to do so through the month of January. All the while the old guy will be resisting the urge to show them a bird.
Speaking of resisting urges, the old guy has always stayed away from the latest expensive fad – the flat screen televisions. Insider has never understood the fascination. That was until last week when he was given one as a gift from his children. Insider’s is a “32-Inch Sony Plasma,” according to the big box it came in. The old guy now gets it. Technology sucks, but this is one advancement Insider is a fan of, even if it is made outside of the USA. The picture is so clear, crisp and bright the people he once thought were beautiful he’s now finding out are not so attractive.
This great gift has left Insider wondering what to do with his old television, a 26-inch Samsung that looks like an antique next to his new arrival. It’s also extremely heavy compared to his new addition. Insider’s kids are urging him to place it in the bedroom. Apparently it’s in vogue to have televisions in the bedrooms these days, but the old guy does not see why. There’s only two things to do in bed – sleep and read. There used to be something else, but that’s been off the menu for years for the Insider. Television watching should not be done in bed, but all the young-timers are doing it and enjoying it. That’s an urge Insider never sees himself succumbing to, but then again the old guy never thought he would have one of these flat screens in his house either. One thing’s for sure – he’s grateful for this wonderful gift.