Insider is one of those types who asks for a Senior
Citizen discount wherever he goes. It’s just a habit and everyone once in a
while it happens. It’s one of the perks of old age. One place that does not
discount is the doctor’s office. When the old guy went to the doctor the other
day to find out why his foot had been bothering him, Insider was told he had to
pay $20 before he was allowed to be graced by the doctor’s presence and wisdom.
It’s called a “co pay” or something like that. When asked if that included his
senior citizen discount, a rude secretary dressed in white with weird purple
flowers snickered and said, “yes sir.” Insider left that day sure he was being
laughed at behind that big, white door, but it never hurts to ask.
The old guy recently attended a birthday party for some
young punk in his family. While celebrating everything about this 6-year-old
boy, whose name the old guy does not know, Insider overheard the mother talking
about how she lets her kids eat anything they want on their birthday. It’s
apparently a family tradition that’s been honored since she was a little girl.
Consequently, this little punk ate the following in the course of a day: a
scrapple, sausage, bacon and cheese sandwich for breakfast, a Snickers candy
bar, a bacon double cheeseburger from McDonalds with fries, a chocolate
milkshake, hot dogs cut up in macaroni cheese, chocolate cake and ice cream and
chocolate chip cookies. After hearing that, Insider does not need the latest,
greatest and overpriced study to tell him the reasons why America’s youth are
This occasion got the Insider to thinking about what would
be his ideal day of food. It would have to start with a heaping pile of creamed
chipped beef over French fries. A few hours later, he would go for a medium
rare burger (hand-pattied from fresh ground beef, of course) off a grill. It
would include onions, pickles, mustard and ketchup and be washed down with a RC
Cola. For dinner, it would have to be his best friend’s spaghetti and meatballs
– served with a big spoon, a fork and parmesan cheese. About 11:30, right
before Leno, he would open up two packs of Goldenberg Peanut Chews, enough to
last him through the show. That would be followed quickly by a few Rolaids.
ingesting all that, Insider would not need the latest, greatest and overpriced
study to tell him the reasons why America’s elderly are overweight.